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Possessed by a Dress September 2, 2010
I ordered this dress today. Go ahead. Click on it. It gets bigger. 
It’s nothing like anything I’ve ever bought for myself.
Based on the supposed measurements, it’s not going to fit my ass. Trust me – not even remotely.
And it gives me the heebie jeebies to think of the bat wing arm exposure.
And yet, I had to have it.
And it was on sale!
I mean, if you’re going to have something hanging in your closet for no good reason, it should cost less than $25, right?
I really don’t know what possessed me to buy it, other than I saw it online a few days ago and kept going back to it. I think it was my buried inner Fit Girl that dug out the credit card and pulled the trigger. Apparently she likes it. 
Because as much as *I* try to tell you it’s not my style (and y’all might think it’s hideous), truth is I don’t know what my “style” is. Let’s face it, I shop by size and a prayer. I pray it fits and I won’t hate it.
But this dress? I don’t know. It called to me. And I bought it.
And I *know* it’s going to bum me out when it gets here.
And I *know* it was a dumb thing to do.
But…I like it.
It looks light and swingy.
It looks like it’s worn by someone who smiles a lot.
I would like to the girl who wears this dress.
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions September 1, 2010
So the other day I mentioned about how every day you make a million decisions and choices. So, so many, and often times you don’t even realize that you’re making them or that they truly are decisions or choices.
Here’s my day in a nutshell. It was crazy. Started the day at a work function at a hotel, had to hightail it back to work (grabbing lunch on the way because I had no ability to store a packed lunch at the hotel), take a few meetings, and then bust out in time to go pick up my weekly CSA veggie box.
7:30am – wake up begrudgingly. see weather. 90 degrees and humid. hair up? hair down? going to be with the entire department – what to wear?
result: cursed self for getting up late and not eating breakfast at home. hair down. pulled a “nicer” shirt out of the closet. cursed self for not doing laundry last night. cursed self for being fat and hating all available options.
8:30am – arrive at hotel. size up breakfast options. bagels? butter? cream cheese? jelly? pastries? muffins? unripe-looking fruit? juice? water?
result: chose half a bagel. warned colleague (silently, in my head) not to judge me for putting back half a bagel. toasted bagel. chose individual tub of cream cheese. used half tub and tossed rest. took small portion of grapes. counted grapes so I could write it down later. grabbed water. poured half glass of orange juice.
8:40am – where to sit? next to whom? should i stick to who i know or pick someone new? should i sit on the aisle?
result: sat at an empty table and let fate decide who sat next to me (secretly hoped that/wondered if someone *would* sit next to me). sat on the aisle in case I had to get up i wouldn’t have to squeeze by someone.
10:00am – onset of hellish migraine. wondered if it was due to (a) lack of standard breakfast accompaniment, diet pepsi; (b) the incessant drone of marketing idiots; or (c) the bagel carbs or juice/grape sugars.
result: cursed self for not eating breakfast at home
11:30pm – marketing drone announces there will be cookies available upon departure (apparently this hotel is known for cookies)
result: debate for a half hour whether or not to take a cookie. curse drone for saying “cookie” in first place
12:00pm – pass by table of cookies
result: take a cookie. curse hotel. curse lack of willpower. curse migraine.
12:05pm – get to car.
result: eat cookie. note it’s deliciousness. cursed self for not taking more cookies. curse self for cursing self for not taking more cookies. ponder how many calories i set myself back. wonder what to do for lunch. briefly ponder long john silvers because i already ‘ruined’ the day with the cookie. decide to get ‘healthier’ lunch
12:15pm – waiting on line at Barnelli’s.
result: get grilled tuna sandwich on wheat bread, no mayo, with house salad, dressing on side.
12:25pm – get to work, run upstairs, attempt to devour lunch in 5 minutes because i have a 12:30pm team meeting
result: decide not prudent to swallow lunch whole.
12:29pm – debate whether or not to bring my lunch to meeting – after all it’s listed as ‘lunch meeting’ in my calendar.
result: cruise by meeting room. all skinny people. only anorexic-looking Russian chick brought her lunch: melon balls. decide that the fat girl should not be eating lunch at the ‘lunch meeting.’ curse overall existence. curse decision to accept meeting invite. curse decision to have accepted this job offer 4 years ago.
1:45pm – return to desk to finish remains of cold sad lunch. ponder if i want ‘dessert’
result: chastise self for chocolate chip cookie. pop cinnamon altoid instead.
repeat ‘dessert’ debate 4 more times through afternoon
Exhausting isn’t it?
