“I’m not letting you stop…”

You know, I’ve been doing this for a long time. We’re talking decades of weight loss attempts. Granted, I’ve not done it as well as I could have…as well as I *should* have. Some efforts were more successful than others, and at least I can say that…right now…I’m not as fat as I have been. So that’s a plus. Focus on the positive.

Throughout my attempts, there have been a LOT of people who tried to help me.

The elementary-school friend who wrote up my first ‘self improvement’ plan. And yes, I’m serious – ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

The best friend who bought a Bally’s membership with me – even though she really couldn’t afford it – so I’d have someone to go with.

The bawdy friend who’d go walking with me and come over to my apartment to do Richard Simmons videos with me (and cuss out Richard right beside me – God bless her).

Then there was the Weight Watchers era, and a slew of friends (both “live” and “virtual”) who tried to root me on. Who asked me about my weigh ins, cheered the weight losses, and consoled the slip-ups.

The career girl friend who actually offered up the help of her own trainer.

The therapist who truly wanted to help me figure out what my root issues are. Even her woeful replacement who dispatched me to a psychiatrist for a Wellbutrin prescription and tried to shove Medifast down my gullet. Sigh.

The trainers I hired on my own – Trainers Barbie and Catherine Zeta (as christened by moi because, of course, it wasn’t enough that they were fit but they had to be gorgeous too, right? double sigh).

While some of these folks are still in my life, they’re on the periphery – by and large they gave up on me for giving up on myself. Some I left behind because it was easier to avoid vs. own up.

Lately though I’ve been reminded that I’m not alone. That there are people who somehow manage to love me despite my neuroses, and who still want to hang in there despite my worst flaws and abandonment/hibernation tendencies.

Lunch with beloved sweet friends yesterday helped remind me. They find a way to cut right through to my heart and it warms me immeasurably.

An e-mail today from a nutritionist friend helped seal the deal. Here I have this amazing friend who wants to help me – for free – and I got so caught up in my own issues that I’d avoided reporting in. I felt guilty I was wasting this fantastic gift. i felt she didn’t deserve a “client” like me who wasn’t putting in her all. I tried to “give up” and give her an out. And damn if she refused to take it. She writes in part:

I’m not going anywhere and I’m not letting you *give* in – this is a long process because it’s more than just switching to brown rice ya know?

Let me re-iterate something to you: this will not be easy and you do not need to be perfect for this to work…there is success in every small thing we accomplish.

So, I’m not letting you stop – 🙂

I’m not letting me stop, either.